We just got new workstations here for our IT department, we also got an SSD for the system drive. This drive was a seperate drive that we had to install ourselves. Naturally being the kind person i was i put mine together first and built an image on it making my minion wait. It came time this afternoon for my minion to put his SSD into his computer. Being an SSD it came in a 2.5” form factor, not a problem because it also came with rails to make it fit in a 3.5” bay…

I turned away to start doing some work and my minion asks me a question… “how do you put these rails on? the screw holes don’t line up properly” I turn to find him trying to put the rails on in the opposite way to which they are supposed to go on. He knew the rails were to make it wider yet he was putting them on in such a way that it would make them wider only by the thickness of the metal the rails were made out of….

/facepalm

I am sitting at my desk and my helpdesk minion mentions a printer issue in one of the computer rooms. He mentioned that the warning light was flashing and that he had pressed the continue button and it still didnt print. Being an old printer i thought maybe it just needed a boot up the arse to get the ball rolling again so i wandered over to see what i could do. Upon getting to the printer i checked the normal things, i pressed the button again to try make it print, i checked to make sure it wasnt out of paper, then finally i took the toner cartridge out to make sure there wasnt a paper jam….

Upon taking out the toner cartridge i find a piece of paper mid way through the printer. Is it that hard to see a paper jam? This boy really really needs his testicles removed so he cant breed….

This morning a staff member came into our office to get some information from us, he was patting my minions head like he was an animal (cat, dog, etc. take your pick) naturally my minion asked for him to stop it… the teacher then mentioned that my minion had a lot of product in his hair… nothing unusual here except that my minions hair looks like he just got out of bed…

People seriously have their hair made to look like they just got out of bed? someone take this boys testicles away so he cant breed PLEASE!!

My minion was in his little office dealing with students with laptop problems and he had a student come in to hand in an incident form so she could collect her laptop, my minion sent her away telling her it wasnt fixed yet… he didnt even bother checking where repaired laptops are stored while waiting for pickup. the first laptop in the batch of those waiting to be collected was this particular students netbook…. i really do hope he doesnt breed

My minion has admin access to everything except the school administration database, and he knows this very well. Today he asked me if he had access to a file on the network that wasnt in a normal shared directory… he knows he can access any file on the network quickly and easily yet he still asked me about this? it wasnt a “i know i can get to it but is it ok if i access it” question, it was a flat out “am i able to access it” question… someone get me a pair of scissors…

when in discussions with my minion about the last post he objected to me calling him “minion” to which i replied there are far less complimentary things i could call him, like the PFY for example… (PFY=Pimply Faced Youth) to which he responded in a very quick manner claiming he had no pimples and he had perfect complextion…

My minion this morning needed to change the cyan cartridge in a colour printer, he checked the printer to make sure it was the cyan catridge that needed changing, then went to where we store the replacement toners and collected a MAGENTA toner and only realised he had grabbed the wrong toner cartridge when he got bat to the printer in question….

Yet another reason he should just not breed

At the start of this year i had a new helpdesk worker start with me… He is young, untainted, not yet bitter and jaded. What prompted me to create this blog though is that every now and then he will do or say something so stupid and dumb that my only response is to tell him that he is banned from ever breeding. Now that is out of the way ill get onto the first example, this mornings one is fairly mild and only just rates on the “don’t breed” meter but everything has to start somewhere…

He had been working on a student laptop for a few days trying to figure out why this particular machine would not connect to the wireless network. We had ruled out hardware early on as we could connect to the guest wireless network fine, So he started working on the software side of things. Now there are certain conditions that need to be met before a computer can connect to the wireless network, firstly the computer needs to be on the domain and part of the correct orginisational unit. Secondly the user you are logging into needs to be a member of the wireless users group. My minion knows this very well, he has been working here for over 6 months.

I repeatedly asked him are you 100% sure that the laptop is in the correct OU ? As this was the only possible thing that would cause the issue we were having. He assured me that yes it was in the correct OU and it must be something else causing the problem….

I walk in to my office today and he informs me that he solved the problem and that it was because the computer was not in the correct OU…..

Every time he does something stupid i shall be posting it up as soon as i can so maybe you too can tell him “don’t breed”